Intimidation: White Guy Edition

Three things that scare me. Red lipsticks. Hipster fake glasses. (Not really hipster, but on another level of cool that I have yet to achieve)  And the 80’s high side ponytail. It’s not that these things physically scare it, it’s just that I seem to lack the confidence to rock them. I guess I march to the beat of my own drum but the melody isn’t much different from everyone else’s.

Okay story time.


The other day I was running errands for my mother. If you didn’t already know, I’m always running errands for my mother. So she need me to return a sweater at Tj Max. As I walked in the store and stood in the exclusive “Return Only” line I spotted the cutest white male worker. Now this dude looked about my age (18/19- ish) Not only that but, he was like cute. *blush*

He had like the cutest curls. Picture a white guy with mixed (mulatto) curls. He had this effortless smile and he was starring at me in line! AHHHH! Maybe it was my cobalt blue jacket? But I still convincing myself that he was looking at me, looking into my soul!  Anyways I made the returns and walked out of the store. But I did turn back one more time just to take one last look at the cutie. He was doing put-backs (Retail lingo– means he was putting stuff from the dressing room back on the racks). I was going to go peruse the racks before I left but I thought against it. (Sidenote: If you aren’t alreay aware you don’t really shop at stores like Tj Max. You hunt! Looking for a piece of treasure)

If you haven’t noticed I’m black. Shocker! But I’m pretty open minded. I’m open to date inter-racially. Like it’s 2012 people, let’s get with it. The problem is I’m so intimidated by white guys. I feel as though my chances of rejection from them skyrockets. Sometimes I even think maybe it’s not me… It’s them. Like do I have to scream that I’m not a stereotypical loud, attitude filled, gold-digger like the African American women portrayed in the media. I don’t want to put filters on the men I will date, because I don’t know what God has in store for me. This is so a Brandy Cinderella (1999) moment!

Go head Brandy. I bet she went to Tj Max

Oh well. I guess I’m just Ms. Independent waiting for God to send Mr. Incredible (The Incredible s are one of my favorite Pixar movies & I like strong dudes) 🙂

Ciao Bella!


Happy birthday Ms. Faith

If you didn’t know I have two sister. An older sister and a younger sister. I’m the awkward mid kid just trying to find my place.  Any-hoo Ms. Faith is the big one-seven. I can’t believe she is 17 years old. I think I really love her. Key word think. I’m grateful to God for putting her in my life. So to you Faith, AKA- I Don’t like photos girl, Happy Birthday.

Ciao Bella!

I was Here

Happy New Years! 2011 was an unique year for me. God taught me one of the hardest lesson that I have ever had to learn. The lesson was rejection… As many of you know Summer 2011 was an interesting summer for me, to say the least. Not saying that I did’t understand the concept of “no”. It was just that there was a time when I had many doors slammed in my face over and over. Every opportunity was like rain in a drought, I prayed & hoped for it yet nothing. Not a single drop. Yet. I never stopped believing in my dreams. Because God is on my side. It was a hard lesson to learn, but a lesson none the less.

“Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

2012 I have some big decisions to make God. God has shown me that I need Him step by step in order to live for him 100 percent. I guess its good to know “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31)  I cannot let influence of my family, friends, and peers keep me from living my life for God. I know we learn about peer pressure in middle school but I really value the opinions of my loved ones… Sometimes more than my own. Its a new season, and I’m grown. Its time for me to learn to heed God’s call regardless of others.

I just want to leave a legacy. I want to be remembered. So on that note, I will  leave you with a tune from my girl Beyonce!  2012 I will be here, Watch out!

Ciao Bella!

Tom Ford

“Style for me is someone who figues out who they are, what works on them, what they feel good in and develops that, develops their character and the outer expression of their character is what style.”

Tom Ford.

Hey Love Bugs. This will be short. If you didn’t already know, I love men’s fashion. I mean, I love fashion myself.. But I’m so much more into style. Because trends come in and out but style, that’s timeless. (Quote me on that in a few years when I’m a SUPER blogger) Any-hoo. A well-tailored man is all kinds of sexy. (*fans neck*) Tom Ford is the essence of classic, contemporary elegance.  So below I have a documentary on him from Oprah’s show Visionaries! Hopefully I will be on the show one day.By the way I love documentaries so if you have any good suggestions leave them in the comments below.

(Sidenote: I do not own these photos)

Ciao Bella! 

Weigh in Wednesday!

This is the start of my new series about personal health. I will do weigh in on Wednesday mornings. This morning, Nov. 30. 2011 my current weight is 1*0.6. In order to keep this blog a little bit personal I can’t reveal that tens place digit. Lo siento. But somethings just cannot be disclosed.  But by God’s grace this will be the last time I ever reach this weight with my consent. I control what I put in my mouth so I have reached this destination all on my own.

Psalms 63: 5 I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

There one thing I’m requesting for you, my readers. That is prayer. This health lifestyle change requires patience, strength, and discipline.  Have a great day.

Ciao Bella!

Dear Santa.

After thanksgiving break my elementary school teachers would have all the students write an elaborate letter to Santa Claus. This, of course, was up until about the Fourth grade when speculations came out that Santa wasn’t real. SHOCKER! 

Even my parents were lazy about the whole Santa Claus idea. They would consume the cookies & milk then proceed to place the cup and plate inside the sink. Me and my sisters argued that Santa was soooo busy that he couldn’t possibly have time to put the dishes in the sink. Oh well. That should remain an unsolved mystery.

Although if I could ask for anything this year it would be a Canon SX40. (See picture below). My older sister, an avid photographer, would be ashamed if I did not purchase a camera up to caliber. So here is my choice. The camera is a $387.00 on amazon! But I promise you readers, that once I get a good camera I will post more frequently. Probably about four times a week! But don’t jump out of your seats yet. I’m still saving up for this bad boy. I know God will provide.

Dear Santa,

Make your presence known once more. It would be nice to have this cutie under my Christmas tree. Because all I want for Christmas is a boyfriendCanon SX40. 



P.S. I still believe. (I can hear the Bells– Polar Express reference)

Ciao Bella!


God is good. I really cannot say that enough. This past week I had a job interview and I’m praying that I got the job. It’s been a long time since I have been truly happy. This week has been something else. My little sister, Fate, has been quite bratty lately. She is always raining on my parade. Here’s my thing, I’m usually always a happy or neutral person.  Fate’s rude and mood swing tendencies have made me totally feed up. After I talked to her and voiced how I didn’t appreciate her constant rudeness she has turned around. Hopefully next week we do not fight this same battle again. Besides that, I’m on cloud nine because my family may be traveling for Christmas. 🙂  The reason I really need a job is to fund my shopping addiction for my Christmas vacation!  God really has put me in a good spot. 

3 Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4)

I know it may kinda cliché to quote the bible, but I can’t deny my love for God. I guess I have been able to see the light under the tunnel because I know I have God. Yes, I worry unnecessarily but I have a Rock. Honestly in the summer I went through the worst depression ever. Since this is my personal blog I feel as though I can explain. In June I learned I had not been accepted (chosen) as a Red Jackets. Red Jackets is a school program that select senior to be school ambassadors, like college orientation leaders. Ever since I started school, my freshmen year, the only thing I knew I wanted was to be a Red Jacket. I knew I couldn’t be valedictorian or a national merit scholar, I wasn’t fast enough to be a top athlete, and I couldn’t sing, act, or draw… But I knew I had one thing PERSONALITY!  After my interview for the program I was on cloud nine, anticipating the moment when I would have to cheer up my friends up who did not make it (Conceited, I know). But maybe the second to last day of school I learned I didn’t make the program. I was shocked. I ran to Mrs. McMin to ask what I did wrong, maybe there was a mistake—I thought. She smiled and refereed me to Mr. Hunt because she did not have my rubric. I visited Mr. Hunt’s office several times before Mrs. Green finally told me he was available to chat. I politely asked Mr. Hunt why I did not make the program. Without taking out my rubric sheet Mr. Hunt gave me a generic answer about how several students had applied and how I was “so close”. Unfortunately I lost a little respect for Mr. Hunt that day. As a man I had admired for the past three years at the high school, he did not bother to specifically tell me how I could improve.  Everything crashed down upon me that week. The week earlier I had lost the election as senior class treasurer. Although I had worked hard to come up with a creative “rap” speech I did not win over the votes of my fellow peers. Towards the end of May and start of June I felt worthless. For a slight second, I let the worthlessness consume me. I thought back at all the things I tried at CHS… Soccer- I didn’t make the team, EVI Scholarship—I didn’t get that. Teen leadership—rejected once again.  The legacy I thought I would leave at CHS, was more of an allusion than reality.  I spent a lot of time in my dark bedroom… sometimes with a harden heart, sometimes with wet eyes. If you are still reading….thank you!  Anyways I eventually learned that my happiness lies in God. I know he has a plan for my life and that my time at CHS is merely a rough patch for the land of milk and honey to come.

Ciao Bella!